2007-12-18 - 7:01 p.m.
I'm almost suprised at how down I am! Who ARE you?!

So today was kinda sucky. Blaze left me a note yesterday asking if I was making out with that stupid boy. The answer is no, unfortunately, and after lunch today we probably never will.

I don't expect he'll call or text again. I was a complete idiot, a stupid girl. I told the worst stories, only to have them met with crickets. I don't know what was wrong with me. Yeah, I'm pretty exhausted and yeah, my final this morning went really horribly. But there's no excuse for what a horrible conversationalist/person I was today. I was one of those people where you can't tell if it's worse when they're telling you this stupid, mundane story or when they are sitting there silent and awkward.

Ugh. I hate thinking about it. Just before getting out of his car, I asked if he thought we'd see each other over the break. He said no. I said, "okay", and reached across the console of the front seat of his TrailBlazer to hug him, out of some bizarre desperation to save things. I only made it worse, half hugging his shoulders as he attempted, out of politeness I'm sure, to pat my shoulder.

"Well, that was awkward," I said, in defeat.
"Yep." He agreed.

I slipped out of there as quickly and gracelessly as possible uttering a quick "Have a good rest of the day" before slamming the door and surrendering to my humiliation.

Sure, when I talked about it to my friends/mother/sister (they all asked! Nosy women), I made it seem like no big deal that he was never going to call again. Because, hey, it has been a month (29 days actually) since he asked for my number and everyone knows, nudge nudge, all guys who enter my life have a 30 day expiration date. I laughed at my failure, making it a joke, just another of my bad date stories.

It was a bad date, but for the first time, it was my fault it was so bad.

And for the first time, I'm actually sad that a guy is not going to call me again.

You breathe a word of this to anyone and tarnish my heartless rep and so help me, I'll make you live to regret it.

And it's Christmas and I have to go home tomorrow. We all know how happy both of those things make me.

Bah humbug and good riddance to another guy.

Now I'm going to go have coffee with Libby, who is ridiculously excited and happy that her boyfriend of a year is back from his semester in D.C. I'm going to attempt to not be too much of a Debbie Downer. We shall see how successful I am.