2009-06-28 - 7:24 p.m.
If you think you want kids, it should be mandatory that you spend time with my cousin and THEN decide

All I have eaten today has been Doritos, mini Butterfingers and Twizzlers. Healthy. Blech. I feel disgusting, especially after eating fast food all week.

My Aunt Bulee and I went to help Aunt Cat with her two kids for the week since Uncle Bore-is was out of town and Cat just had knee surgery. I learned a few things while there.

1. I mean it when I say I don't really like children. I wanted out of there on Monday. We got there Sunday.

2. Cousin Gracie Lou's name is now Veruca. What a spoiled little brat! I'm serious. She was an awful child all week and I could barely stand her whiny ass voice.

3. Cousin Ulysses, the 5 month old, is an awesome baby. He cried less than Veruca did. He's just very sweet and best of all, cannot talk, walk or even crawl yet.

4. I really, really do not like having to spend time with Uncle Bore-is. Luckily, I only had to be with him less than 12 hours. Maybe he's misunderstood, but that's going to happen when everything out of your mouth is dry, sarcastic and negative. Also, most of the time what he says is mean. For example:

Veruca and I are coloring her little menu at lunch on our last day. I was the little darling's primary caregiver because we have a "bond" - namely that kid is always all over me. We're playing tic-tac-toe and Bore-is half watching us, half playing with his smart phone. I let Veruca win the first game and Bore-is leans over and says, "I never let her win. I win every game. Letting her win teaches her nothing".

I don't even look up at him. First of all, Uncle (he hates it when I call him Uncle), I played some dumbass card game with her yesterday and she threw a screaming, pouting fit when I won ONE hand in a game of luck. I'd rather she didn't throw another fit here (she'd already pitched one because the balloon she'd been warned to be careful had already floated up to the ceiling). Second, that is an intensely weird thing to brag about, jackass. Third, what the hell is going to learn from one of the stupidest games ever?

Okay, so without acknowledging Bore-is, we continue tic-tac-toeing. Accidentally, I win the next game. Veruca pouts a little, but is surprisingly okay. I can't let Bore-is be right, so I win the next one and oh boy, the flood gates open. Whining, then pouting, then huge, crocodile tears. Excellent lesson you just taught me there, Bore-is.

To distract Veruca, Aunt Cat starts asking her to tell us opposites. You know, hot-cold, dry-wet, loud-quite, tall-short, big-little. She goes on for a while then Uncle Bore-is asks what the opposite of rich is (which is a very typical prompt from him, Mr. Super Rich). Aunt Bulee and I both jokingly say "teachers". That gets a little chuckle, but then Bore-is says, in a serious, cutting tone, "No, Veruca, that's not the opposite of rich or teacher. The opposite of rich is poor and the opposite of teacher is smart".

I know that doesn't sound like a really terrible thing to say, but his tone was just nasty. You could tell he meant it. Which is awesome, considering that he was sitting at a table with an English teacher, a pre-school teacher and a 4 year old who repeats everything she hears and has recently started a summer pre-kindergarten class. Nice one, jackass.

Mostly, I was pretty glad to get out of there. I did get to eat at my favorite local only restaurants and see a few of my friends. Hanging out with Aunt Bulee (Cousin Meg's mom) was also surprisingly good. She's a good lady.

Yesterday, on my way back to where I live, I stopped to stay with Cousin Meg for the night. It was nice to see her, I just really wish she wasn't a borderline alky, drug abuser. I can't say anything more than I already have without alienating her, but it really freaks me out that she can't go one day without drinking and that she and her new boyfriend will each take an Ambien and then go for a walk (this is always after they've been drinking profusely, of course). Apparently, fighting off the sleepy effects of Ambien gives you a crazy drunk/high. I don't know. I will never know. Because I don't do stupid shit like that. Someday, I'm going to read in the paper about two dumbass kids that were were hit by a car at 2 AM because they went for a walk while drunk and high.

I came home today, unpacked, went to church, read my book ("Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand - actually pretty good, just really, really dauntingly long) and then fell asleep. I had a nasty headache (probably from eating nothing but junk lately) and thankfully my nap got rid of it. I also had a kickass dream, which I actually remember. It was a nice break from all the school shooting nightmares I've been having. The dream today involved the show "Supernatural", of which I am a geeky, closet fan. I got to kick ass AND hug both stars of that show. Their muscles were just as impressive in my dream as they are on screen. Oh yeah, I'm a geek. I just don't tell anyone - I prefer to confess into my secret online diary which is actually public. Hmmmmm.