2009-09-26 - 10:20 a.m.
Oh, relationships. Life is much easier without them

I should NOT have gloated about torturing Tawley yesterday.

We hung out last night. He came over at about 5 and we went to the park to play catch. Everything was going great until he wanted to move to part of the park where the trees weren't blocking the sun - apparently he was cold. So we start walking over there. He decides he wants to give me a piggy back ride, so I hop on. (Because we're 14 years old. I know)

He's carrying me over there and as we get closer, I realize that one of the guys playing frisbee right in front of us looks awfully familiar. Terribly, horribly, awkwardly familiar.

Remember last year when the band teacher had a crush on me? I got teased all the time about it and he made anything we had to do together at work super awkward? Right. Well, guess who was playing frisbee in the park? Oh, yeah, that's right - Rick the band teacher.

I scream an inward "FUCK!" and scramble down off Tawley's back (which is not that easy - dude is 6'3". I'm 5'3"). Luckily, Rick is the one on the far end of the field, so I say to Tawley "We have to go this way." and walk rather quickly off to the west towards the road. We get to the tunnel under the road, I tell Tawley that it was Rick in the park and we both start freaking out.

I'm freaking at first just because it was Rick! God, why did it have to be Rick?! I've never EVER seen Rick in town before. Then Tawley goes "We're so busted!" and I start cussing even more.

We sat through that freaking meeting yesterday, being so careful to avoid even smiling at each other so no one gets suspicious. And then we go on a date to the park and see a teacher from my school there?! What are the odds?! Fricking irony - I'll teach about you all day long, but I fricking hate you right now.

So we walk over the library and try to figure out if it's a big deal or not. I'm thinking Rick probably recognized Tawley. And if he did, we're screwed because he'll tell the whole fine arts department about it and then they'll tell my department chair, who is the biggest gossip ever and then I will again be the object of ridicule for the entire department. So, my solution to this situation of intense awkward was just to go back over the park, walk on the sidewalk nearest Rick and feign like I hadn't seen him earlier. Then chat him up, introduce Tawley as my friend from the alternative school and be done with it.

I figured facing it was best because there was no way Rick didn't recognize me. I was hoping he didn't see me panic when I recognized him.

We went back there and he was gone. Erlack. Tawley is convinced I just need to seek Rick out in a non-stalkerish way on Monday at work and be like "Hey, do you live near the park? I thought I saw you there on Friday when I was with my friend". Which might work, but oh, that stupid piggy back ride! What a non-friend thing to do when you're hanging out with a guy alone!

RD thinks I should just leave it alone. Tawley didn't recognize Rick and so maybe Rick didn't recognize Tawley. So the worst that would happen would be that Rick knows I'm dating someone. Which would be fine, because uh, hello, I date. It would only be bad if Rick remembered Tawley from the stupid meetings we sat through all day. Which, I don't know. They were sitting fairly far apart from each other. Maybe Rick didn't pay any attention to him.

It's not the end of the world, I realize, even if he did recognize Tawley. I just wish I wouldn't have been such an awkward freak who practically RAN away when I laid eyes on Rick. Come on, Ninja, grow up!

I kind of want to go with RD on this one and just leave it alone. I guess if our cover is blown, it's blown. Plus, talking to Rick is always painfully awkward and will be more so on Monday, because I'm positive that even if he didn't recognize Tawley, he definitely saw and recognized me.

Oh, this is so annoying.

The rest of the night with Tawley was really, really nice. I was exhausted, though, from a long week of work (and my medication that makes me tired constantly) and embarrassingly fell asleep on him after the movie. And he just let me sleep for like an hour. Poor guy.

Then I got that familiar freak out feeling after he left. You know - the "I've been with this guy for 3 weeks - RUN!" feeling. But I told myself it was just me freaking over seeing Rick at the park and went to bed. I'm attempting to be a grown up, remember, and so this ridiculous fear of commitment has got to go. And the only way to get rid of a fear is to face it right? So I'm facing it with a guy I actually like. At least I hope I can face it. It's a fairly powerful instinct, I've discovered. I really could just be one of those people who never really have a serious relationship. We'll see I guess.

Oh, but the irony!