2009-10-22 - 7:13 p.m.
A day not to be repeated

God, I had a terrible day.

First, I woke up late. Then I slipped on some ice walking out the door and in the process of catching myself, I broke the heel on my only black boots.

School was going okay until I agreed to sub for another teacher who was unexpectedly out. The way it usually works is that you give up half your plan and the school pays you for your time ($10 whole dollars - whooo!). I usually do it not for the money, but for the goodwill. So, I agree to sub for a PE class today. Awesome. I go down there and spend my assigned 45 minutes chasing after boys in the weight room ("Don't kick that", "Put him down!", "Are you sure that's safe?", "You can't throw snowballs in the weight room! Wait, where did you even get snowballs?", "No, you can't see if you can bench press me" and so on). At 12:05 (my appointed leaving time), I'm itching to get back to my plan, because I, of course, have shit to do and I actually use my plan every day.

Nobody comes. At 12:15 I forget about being patient and call the office. They'll find whoever was supposed to relieve me and send them right down. 10 minutes later, I call again. She's still not there? We'll find her.

10 more minutes later, I'm sooo frustrated, I'm near tears. It's not like I can just leave the kids, someone has to be with them. It's 12:35. I have 20 minutes left in my plan. No one ever shows. My entire plan period was just gone. I never realized how much I needed that break in the day until I didn't get one. I haul ass back to the other side of the school to start teaching my last class of the day. I realize when I get there that I haven't sat down since 7 AM. Dumb idea to wear heels.

I start getting the class going. As they do their warm up, one of the nice girls, one that I feel I have a bond with, in that class comes up to me. I ask her how she's doing since I know she's been to the doctor a lot lately.

"Yeah, Miss Ninja," she says. "I have cancer. It's in the bone of my leg."

I freeze in mid paper collection and start stammering. I nearly started crying. That poor kid - God, I still just - ugh. A girl in my sorority in college had cancer that started in her bones - she got so sick, so quick. I talk to her for a little bit, but I can tell she's trying to keep her brave face up so we stop. I don't know how she or her parents are dealing - I got all choked up again just telling my mom about it later. I don't know what things will be like for my student, or how bad the cancer is. All I know is that she's really scared and it just hurt my heart to watch her face when she told me.

I continue with class as normal after collecting myself - and class is unfortunately very teacher-centered that period. Unfortunate, because about 20 minutes into writing notes on the overhead, I get a fucking cluster headache.

I've been doing soooooo good, too. I've been having maybe 2 a week and they've always come at about 5 AM, when they can't fuck up my life too bad.

I struggle through the headache for a good 10 minutes. The kids know something is up because I'm clutching my head, my eyes are watering, I'm barely coherent and it's taking all my power just to keep writing on the overhead. Finally, a boy from the back of the room comes up and insists that he finish the notes for me. I let him, but pull it together enough to walk them through their worksheet 5 minutes before the bell rings.

The headaches lasts until 3:30 and I head for home, exhausted physically from the pain and mentally from the day. I call my sister to process what a shitty day it was and she beeps me in to a three way call with my mom. Mom immediately starts laying on the guilt about me not wanting to drive 700 miles ONE WAY to see my brother next weekend. I'm driving 1000 miles this weekend for J's shower and to see my parents. I think it's reasonable that I might want to stay home and avoid a weekend where I'll spend at least 20 hours in the car, immediately after one of the most stressful weeks of the year (we have parent/teacher conferences next week). I cave to the pressure and agree to go. After which Mom starts to do the whole "well, if it's really a hassle for you, don't go. No, really, you're busy, you should just stay put. Don't feel pressured." Shut up! I said I'm going, you already made me feel guilty for even thinking of not going, so leave it alone!

She shut up pretty quick after I'd revealed the day I'd had, though. Geez, it was a miserable day. I've never been that close to crying in a class before.

The other softball coach called me as I was going to the store after school, though, and told me to join her and one of the counselors at happy hour. So I went and watched them drink and ate the free chips. It was really nice, actually. I like those two women. We bitched about work and I learned more about Autumn in those 2 hours than I have in two seasons of softball with her. That and the giant chocolate bar I bought myself when I was getting J's shower gift have calmed me quite a bit.

And now I need to go grade, since I didn't get that stinking plan period today. Ugh. If I wasn't leaving for the weekend immediately after school tomorrow with all my grades due for the quarter before then, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But they are due and it is, so screw you, stupid social studies teacher who decided not to show up.