2009-10-30 - 9:31 p.m.
Diaryland should lock itself after 10 PM on weekends.

The snow eventually stopped. The sun came out. I still have two feet of snow on our back porch. And I managed to waste another day. Yay!

My Cousin Meg sent me a text about 15 minutes ago. I should mention first that Meg was my best friend since we were about 2. Then, after several years of lovesick high school loneliness, Meg got a boyfriend. They were together 4 years - I hated him, he hated me. During the four years they were together, Meg got more and more distant. Which sucked. Then they broke up! And I thought, "Yay! Now I'll get my best friend back! I won't have to listen to her tell me about how finding her "true" best friend is the best thing ever!".

I forgot at the time that she had left the first asshole boyfriend for another guy. A guy that she's still with today. I like this dude, don't get me wrong. But if I thought she neglected me before - wow, I had no idea. She throws a few friendship bones my way, but I am under no illusions that I am her best friend. That boat sailed a long time ago.

I know I sound like an angsty teenager whining about my jealousy over my bff's boyfriend. Really, at this point, it's not jealousy. It's simple hurt because of the fact that I make a real effort to keep our friendship alive and I'm little more than an afterthought to Meg.

And it's not just the new boyfriend that's doing it. We've changed - or rather she has. We had a lot in common growing up - we were both Catholic, neither of us wanted to drink/smoke/do drugs in high school, we liked the same movies, the same stupid 80's stuff, etc. Then we got to college and Meg went through some shit with that boyfriend I hated and things started to change. It's hard to hang out now because I don't want to do the things Meg wants to do on the weekends (or week nights or weekdays for that matter). Meg seems to be drunk most of the time, she takes Ambien for sleeping issues and for fun, she smokes weed, she smokes cigarettes, she has sex on her lunch in the parking lot of her dead end job. We went to a drive-in movie in June and she opened a beer in the car before we even got there (she was driving).

I don't do that shit, obviously. She knows I don't approve of her current lifestyle and I'm sure that doesn't help anything as far as keeping our friendship alive.

I'm sure it's a combination of her being with the love of her live, who shares her lifestyle, and the fact that I don't approve of said lifestyle that makes it hard. Even with those problems, I made it my mission to get our friendship back on track in August. The response I got was minimal. We live about an hour and a half away from each other - not very far at all. I was busy with softball, but kept trying to make time for her. Unfortunately, she didn't have time. It's tough working 9-5 at a bank apparently.

Okay, that was catty. I apologize. Long story short - I tried real hard and got barely any response. So she texts me tonight, "What are you doing for halloween?"

I tell her that I'm going out with Spice and Giant and she replies "Oh! You could have come up here!". Yah, Meg, I'm really going to invite myself up to your place, where it's been made pretty clear that I'm not exactly welcome.

Argh. It's frustrating. Not just that we're not friends like we used to be, but that she's drunk and high most of the time and perfectly okay with it. And she smokes! SO disgusting and stupid! If any of you out there smoke you should quit right now. It's horrible for your health, it's gross, it makes you smell, it ages you and it's rude to those around you! And I'm allergic to smoke, which is something she knows.

Oh, whatever. I'm not hanging out with her tomorrow. And probably won't until the whole family gets together for Thanksgiving.

In other better news, I watched "The Proposal" today. It's a chick flick (gag), I know, but man, Ryan Reynolds is a fox. And wow, the naked scene was nice. I feel a little like a skeevy gross voyeur, but he put it out there! I just want his torso to come live with me - his abs are so fine!

I need to ask that guy at the gym out.